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How to talk to your children about crisis in Israel

Boca Raton psychiatrist Dr. Samantha Saltz says consider child's age when delivering information
Israeli tank heads south near Sderot, Israel, Sunday, Oct.8, 2023. Hamas militants stormed over the border fence Saturday, killing hundreds of Israelis in surrounding communities. (AP Photo/Ohad Zwigenberg)
Posted at 5:32 PM, Oct 10, 2023
and last updated 2023-10-10 17:32:16-04

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — The details and images coming out of Israel can be difficult for any adult to take in, let alone a child.

Many of you may be having difficult conversations in your homes this week.

"It's hard to kind of give them everything and give them just as much as they need. Obviously, I don't want to scare them," Palm Beach County parent Mandy Friedlander said.

Friedlander said she and her husband are very open with their children, who are 13 and 10. But talking about what's happening in Israel has been a lot to take on.

"We'll give them the facts. Just really staying away from the gruesome, gory details that I don't think their little minds are capable of handling. But I want them to know exactly what happened, exactly who is doing it, and exactly why," Friedlander said.

Friedlander is trying to answer their questions and manage their exposure as best she can, while her heart aches for a country she loves.

"For the next few days, I'm going to take the phones at night and take the phones early in the morning and take the phones on the weekend, just so those images and whatever threatened details are going to be coming out, I would rather them not see," Friedlander said.

Boca Raton psychiatrist Dr. Samantha Saltz said your child's age is very important when it comes to what information they are exposed to.

"How do you balance your own emotions as a parent and handling this with your kids?" WPTV journalist Stephanie Susskind asked Saltz.

"Looking at what's going on overseas is scary for everybody, right? And we just want everybody to take a step back and be real with your children, too," Saltz answered. "It's OK to say to a child, mommy is a little bit afraid, or daddy is a little bit afraid. And don't be afraid if you don't have an answer. It's OK to say, let me think about that for a little bit. And take a step back and say, mommy needs a little time, or daddy needs a little time to answer that question."

Saltz added that school-aged children may not totally know what's going on in the world, and parents and guardians don't want to scare them or compromise their feeling of safety in the world.

"Giving them a simple conversation. There are some people who are fighting very far away as a way of handling it," Saltz said. "For adolescents and teenagers, obviously, they have a better understanding of what's going on in the world, and you want to encourage questions and critical thinking."

Many Jewish schools may have extra security on their campuses as well, and Dr. Saltz said that's another way to start the conversation with your children.

"Telling your child, look, school may look a little bit different. There might be more people that look like security guards. It's something we have to make sure everybody is safe," Saltz said.

Saltz said managing social media for not only your kids, but yourself right now, is also a good idea.

"There's only so much we can take of these images right now that are very disturbing and being circulated around the internet for various reasons. And when you feel like you've had enough of looking at it, it's OK to take a step back for your own mental health and say, is it healthy for me anymore? And doing the same for your children. Knowing what their own personal boundaries and limits are for what they are consuming," Saltz said.

"We have family currently in Israel and my 10-year-old son has heard words like bomb shelter," Palm Beach County father Jason Levine said. "He's in a safe house and he was getting very scared."

For Levine, the war has consumed his family and brought up one big question from his son: why?

"I had to have difficult conversations that I wasn't necessarily prepared to have with my almost 10-year-old. That there's a lot of hate and antisemitism toward Jewish people," Levine said.

Levine added they'll keep the conversation going, while praying for those who need it, and supporting however they can.

"It just hits so close to home and it's awful," Levine said.