The best day to catch a spouse being unfaithful may be Feb. 13.
Known to some as “Mistress Day,” the day before Valentine’s Day is unofficially recognized as the day cheating spouses take out their secret significant others.
That’s certainly not something to celebrate, but with “Mistress Day” comes a unique opportunity: A good chance of catching them in the act.
According to Lasting Connections CEO and matchmaker Sameera Sullivan, who matches elite, high-net-worth, mostly male clients with women and provides relationship and image advice, the notion of Mistress Day isn’t surprising — though the window for catching a cheater around this holiday is likely larger than just one day.
“Valentine’s Day you have to be home or you’ll see some really heavy nagging,” Sullivan said. “People always like to create new ‘days’— but if I had to guess I’d say even the weekend before and the weekend after Valentine’s Day are going to be busy times for cheaters.”
Most identify the concept of cheating with men, but according to Sullivan, women are just as likely to stray.
Have a feeling something might be going on? Here are some tell-tale signs to look out for, according to Sullivan.
Telltale signs of a cheater:
- If someone’s doing something out of routine — such as being online all the time. If on Facebook, it seems he might be hiding stuff on the wall — that’s a red flag you were blocked.
- If he is on the phone all the time, and he’s hiding and getting startled, or he gets startled when you walk in the room, and he’s on the computer.
- The way he dresses. If he changes his hairstyle, starts going shopping more, gets dressed up more for things he wouldn’t normally dress up for — that’s a sign.
- Timing has changed. If he’s coming and going at different times during the day, that’s a sign.
- Not calling or texting while gone. If he’s at the gym for four hours and doesn’t text, when normally he would, that’s a sign.
- Sex. Cheaters will often not want to have any at all, or too much — Look for anything out of the norm.
- The kind of person that does this can be a sociopath — he will emotionally distance himself from you. Just saying “yes” and going along with things, not really being interested in your perspective or engaged in the relationship — that could be a big red flag. Not all cheaters are sociopaths, but the serial cheaters are and they cheat because they can, and have no remorse for their actions. This person is also a pathological liar, a narcissist, and emotionally unstable, and will always lure you in with their lies.
If some of these signs are ringing true in your current relationship, it could mean something — or it could mean absolutely nothing. Digging deeper may be necessary to find out the truth.
“If any of these signs sound familiar, you put on your investigation hat and you want to kind of see what they’re doing,” Sullivan recommends.
Sullivan offers a few suggestions for investigating a partner’s activity to confirm whether or not he is cheating.
- Use a friend’s profile and look at your significant other’s Facebook page. See if you can see anything that you can’t see when viewing it from your own profile.
- Look at a person’s laptop history. If he’s dumb enough to leave the browser history up with something incriminating, like OkCupid or PlentyOfFish, or Match.com, then you’ve caught him. If the browser history is clear ... why would you delete your browser history? He’s trying to hide something.
- If he says he’s going to gym, have your friend that maybe also has a membership to that gym go to the gym and see if he’s there. If he’s not there — obviously, he’s lying.
- Look at his phone while he is in the shower or somewhere else. If he is very secretive about his phone and always keeps it on him, and gets startled when you try to even glance at his messages, something is wrong. You can see if there are text messages from phone numbers with no names or with strange names, you can see the call log and see what numbers he has called. Look at his text messages.
- Create a fake email account, and look for his profile on OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, ...some of the free dating websites.
- If he’s been working late, nonchalantly ask one of his colleagues, “Oh wow, you guys must be busy. Are you putting in a lot of late hours?” Dig in a casual manner. See if the coworker says, “No, actually, we’ve all been leaving at 5 p.m.”
After investigating, if a person is confident he is being cheated on, Sullivan cautions to be sure.
“Have enough evidence, don’t just be paranoid,” Sullivan said. “If you’re sure, confront them, bring the facts and have facts that are undeniable.”
What’s most important, according to Sullivan, is to trust yourself.
“Do not be in denial about what you’re seeing. If your gut tells you something is not right, then listen to your gut,” Sullivan said. “ Your gut will tell you the truth.”
Did you use Sameera's tips and catch your significant other cheating? Tweet reporter @thekatieleone and tell us your story.