We find the weirdest campaign schwag money can buy

Posted at 9:22 AM, Jun 23, 2015
and last updated 2015-06-23 13:27:00-04

Donald Trump, the latest addition to the sea of GOP 2016 candidates, has a self-reported net worth of $8.7 billion. He doesn’t need your campaign dollars, and that’s disappointing.

Because Trump will likely self-finance his campaign, American voters may never know the joy of gold-plated Trump 2016 golf tees or platinum Trump cufflinks.

But don’t fret, America. There are still campaign treasures to be had. What about a Stand With Rand cornhole board? Or a hand-stitched Hillary Clinton pillow? All of this can be yours with your money and tacit endorsement!

Rand Paul and Hillary Clinton have emerged as the frontrunners for campaign kitsch in the 2016 posse. Here are a few items you can pick up in Rand Paul’s shop:

With this set of 12 Rands on a stick, the presidential candidate can follow you everywhere. Not unlike the NSA.

What says happy birthday better than an imposing photo of a Kentucky senator and a (perhaps unwilling) campaign donation in honor of your birthday?

Stand with Rand! Or on Rand! But let’s hope he doesn’t flip flop.

Because as ophthalmologist Rand Paul knows, (hind)sight is 20/20.

A non-working email server. Yes, really. It’s on clearance and there were only 80 of them left Wednesday! It’s a great way to erase $99.95 from your bank account!

Clinton’s shop isn’t quite as bizarre as Paul’s, but she’s definitely not sticking to campaign buttons.

Self-referential, hideous and also fantastic.

See, Clinton gets MiLLenNials and their penchant to express excitement with a superfluous use of the letter “a.”

Forget coffee mugs (though she has those, too), Clinton wants to have a beer with you (sort of).

And, finally, the kitschiest of the kitsch from Clinton’s store – a throw pillow with “A Woman’s Place Is In the White House” stitched as its adage.

But why stop with Clinton and Paul oddball merchandise? Here are a few presidential schwag picks from 2016 and years past. But if you’re looking to buy, the FEC says you only have $2,700 to spend on a candidate, so choose carefully.

This could be terrifying in practice.

Look! Young people! The Millennials Rising PAC wants you to drink out of their favorite candidate’s face!

I’m not sure if Rick Perry is worried about how his legal troubles will affect his chances at the presidency. But RickPAC, the super PAC supporting the candidate, seems pretty comfortable reminding us all that Perry is both under indictment and can look pretty great in mug shots.

Tap into your inner child/libertarian with these Ron Paul action figures from his the RevolutionPAC, which supported his 2012 campaign. 

Because nothing says “party” like announcing your political leanings on your wine tote!

[Also by Abby Johnston: Poor planning leaves Texas struggling to overcome flooding disaster]

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