Sorry, you can't get out of hell by retweeting the pope

(CNN) -- (CNN) --Here were the tantalizingly weird headlines: "Follow pope online, get to heaven sooner - Facebook likes don't count." "Cut your time in purgatory by following pope on Twitter." And, worst of all, from Slate: "Pope now offering indulgences in exchange for Twitter followers."

Similar headlines popped up on more than 190 news sources on Wednesday.

Ha ha. Is the Catholic Church really offering time off in hell-- or purgatory, depending on the website - just for checking your Twitter feed every few hours? What a dumb church. And here I thought Pope Francis was cool, or as Esquire recently termed him, "awesome."

This is (another) case of how the media misunderstands and misreports a story from "The Vatican."

Here's how it seemed to have happened.

On June 24, the Apostolic Penitentiary (the Vatican office that deals with matters concerning sin,) issued a document that said the faithful who attend the upcoming World Youth Day in Brazil would receive a "plenary indulgence" for their efforts during pilgrimage.

That's a traditional Catholic term for the full remission of the "temporal punishment" in the afterlife due to sin. The theological idea is that by doing good works on earth, or by engaging in pious practices like a pilgrimage, you can help "work off" some of the temporal punishments that await you after death.

But just from checking Twitter every few hours? Let's leave aside the very complicated theology of the plenary indulgence for a moment, and see how this story got out of hand.

The Vatican's original document offered an indulgence for those who complete a pilgrimage. That's fairly common. A few years ago, when I made a pilgrimage to the French shrine of Lourdes, one could work towards an indulgence by visiting certain holy sites and praying there.

Once again, the idea is making reparation in penance for your sins. To take a homey example, if you're a student who talks too much in class, your teacher might ask you to clean the blackboards instead of failing you. To avoid a big punishment you make amends for your mistakes.

But there's more: the Vatican document noted that the faithful at World Youth Day must be "truly repentant and contrite." In other words, they must undertake the pilgrimage in a true spirit of repentance. Be sorry for their sins. That's common, too.

At the end of the document, the Vatican noted that it was not just pilgrims to whom this applied, but another, newer, group: those who might participate "with due devotion, via the new means of social communication."

Why did the Vatican include that category? As I see it, to be inclusive, something people often accuse the church of not being.

For those who cannot travel to Brazil, because of financial limitations or health restrictions, it's a way of welcoming them.

To my mind, it's a generous way of inviting people into the Masses, prayers and liturgies during the World Youth Day. Why wouldn't you want to include the sick, the poor and the elderly in the community of pilgrims? And why wouldn't you want to help them participate via the web?

So how did this get so focused on Twitter?

Well, it would seem that The Guardian got hold of "a source" in the Vatican who said, "That includes following Twitter."

Now, who was the source? We are not told. But that was enough for the headline writers at the Guardian to write: "Vatican offers time off purgatory' to followers of Pope Francis tweets."

That's already doubly inaccurate. Because, first of all, even the "source" said it's not enough to just follow the pope on Twitter (as the headline misleadingly stated).

"But you must be following the events live," he told the Guardian, "It is not as if you can get an indulgence by chatting on the Internet."

Second, in that same article Archbishop Claudio Maria Celli, head of the Pontifical Council for Social Communication, was quoted as telling the Italian daily Corriere della Sera: "You can't obtain indulgences like getting a coffee from a vending machine."

In other words: the original document, the "source" and Archbishop Celli all said the opposite of what the headlines said.

That is, it's not enough simply to follow the pope on Twitter. It's not even enough to check his Twitter feed frequently. You need to be (a) contrite, (b) trying to follow the events at World Youth Day live and (c) be performing these acts with "due devotion."

In other words, the Vatican is clearly referring to prayerful participation in these events by men and women who could not otherwise go, through the various "new means of social communication."

An example: A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a serious form of cancer. After I told her that I would pray for her, I mentioned that the shrine of Lourdes had a 24-hour webcam in the famous Grotto, where Catholics believe the Virgin Mary appeared in 1858.

She e-mailed me a few days later to say that "visiting" the Grotto, via the web, had helped her to pray. It brought her a great sense of peace. This is the kind of

"due devotion" that the Vatican has in mind, despite what the headlines might say.

The worst headline came from the normally careful Slate: Pope Francis is not offering indulgences "in exchange for Twitter followers." He has plenty of Twitter followers. But he'd probably exchange a few hundred of them for headline writers who actually read the story.

James Martin is a Jesuit priest, editor at large at America magazine and author of "The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything." He tweets, but won't promise to get you out of purgatory, at @JamesMartinSJ .

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