She Said/He Said! Wishing you were more than the girl (pause) friend

Ask around and most guys will tell you if they had the chance to mold the most exquisite woman she’d be one who is low maintenance, can hang with the guys, knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t let anything stand in her way to get it. In other words “just a cool chick.”

At one point or another, you probably feel like you fit this mold but many of you have expressed concern over being stuck in the friends circle. No matter how many times he asks you to grab a beer, calls to see how your day is or helps you with the “manly” household chores, you find yourself being called the girl (pause) friend instead of the girlfriend. What gives?

America’s Number 1 Pick-up Artist, Adam Lyons says it’s all about understanding male humor and the difference between masculine and feminine energy. By day, Lyons teaches men how to get women to fall for them and is well known in the UK and the U.S. for “pickup artistry.” But, from time to time you’ll find him navigating women through the male brain and ego.

“Plain and simple, men are repulsive and when we’re with the guys we just let it all hang out,” he says. “In a matter of seconds we’re talking about sex and booze and it’s usually not a G rated conversation.” His advice: if you find yourself in the middle of “guy time,” don’t crush their revolting behavior.

“My wife gained hundreds of bonus points with me and the guys when we were talking about one of my buddy’s hook-ups. Instead of rolling her eyes in disgust, she wanted to know every little detail about their steamy encounter,” he says.

Dating Coach, Alexandra Fox says women looking to gain ground need to remind themselves about specific turn offs. Her number one: ranting or complaining too much. Fox believes there’s a limit to how much men are willing to take when it comes to our rants, even if we’re just venting. She says at some point or another the male mind automatically thinks we’re asking for help. “This puts pressure on the guy. If you have the time and energy to complain, then you have the time and energy to find a solution for your problems,” she says.

From the male’s perspective, Lyons thinks if a girl is always “b*tching” he’ll automatically associate her with “having issues.” So, instead save it for your girlfriends or someone who can do something about it.

Okay, girl (pause) friend, we’re getting closer to escaping that friend’s circle, unless that is you are shallow. Sounds harsh, but both Lyons and Fox agree the quickest way to deflect a possible mate is to make comments about him looking at other women or nagging him when he doesn’t call as promised. This goes back to the perfect mold. Men want women who are independent, confident and don’t worry about the petty things. It’s all about feeling stronger on the inside, maintaining a positive attitude and lifting your own self esteem.

Another costly dating mistake: being pesky about commitment and rushing into the next level. A guy will pull you from Friendsville when, and only when, he’s 100% ready to do so. So, for now, just focus on having a great time together, being fun, attractive and somewhat of a mystery.

Lyons gives this example:
A guy is dating two women, who look identical. Woman #1 is fun, sexual, and flirty and tells him she’s not sure he’s the kind of guy she’s interested in. Woman #2 is constantly asking the dude if they are a couple. Even though both women are beautiful and fun to be around, the guy’s going to stick with #1 because, you guessed it, men love the chase!

While you’re trying to figure out if you are inside the friend’s only circle or on your way out Lyons says it’s best to date as many people as possible. This is about letting many men love you emotionally, not physically or sexually, until the one you want steps forward and commits in they way you truly want.

“In today’s modern love story, there’s never a good enough reason to be exclusive with someone for any length of time without commitment,” Lyons says.