The birds and the bees, lovemaking, screwing or sleeping around, intercourse, intimacy and fornicating; what ever you call it, you know what we’re talking about.
In this day and age, “doing the deed” is pretty much everywhere. It’s no longer taboo to talk about it, ask about it, or admit to participating in it. All of your burning questions about sex can be answered on television, in books, on the Internet, at passion parties or even your local bar. With that being said, it’s some what of a surprise to see that for the most part, the stigma between the sheets and women still exists.
When a woman has multiple partners or admits to being promiscuous, she’s often labeled “easy.” But, when a man has his fare share of “notches on the bed post” he’s a hero, receiving high fives and kudos from his crew. This is nothing new and has been around for decades. But, it begs the question: Is it time for more women to act like men in bed?
Relationship expert, Lea Haben says at times when women are out exploring their sexuality they start to believe they can treat sex lightly. But, sex doesn’t always treat them lightly in return. Haben explains when a relationship starts, women are the ones calling the shots or “in the driver’s seat.” Women are the ones who accept or reject dates, usually decide where and when the date will take place, and if they will go on a second. “But, once you throw sex in the mix, it becomes more difficult for women to see straight,” she says. “Emotions take over and they’re no longer in control.”
In biological terms, it seems women have no chance. It’s scientifically proven that during an orgasm a burst of Oxytocin is released into the body. Oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle or trust hormone,” acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain, sending off “feel good, fuzzy” emotions. Both men and women experience this type of bonding, but larger amounts of the hormone are released when a woman climaxes.
“When you throw in the ‘Cinderella Syndrome,’ which is when parents or women set un-realistic expectations for their daughters or themselves, it is very hard for a woman to pull off casual sex,” Haben says.
It’s been said that overall the male gender is way more visual and physical when it comes to going all the way. Believe it or not, some men have admitted to having sex with ten different women in one day and not experiencing any significant emotions, only the good feelings, during each encounter. On the other hand, most women love before they desire. They want to be touched, held or experience some type of heart stopping, butterflies in the stomach, sparkle during sex. “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship,” Sexuality Counselor and Author, Ian Kerner explains. “Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.”
If you’ve gotten this far, you may start believing that sex for the sake of sex is out the window for many women. Author/Relationship Expert from www.askdanandmike.com , Mike Lindstrom says very matter-of-factly, that this is just one difference between men and women. “Once both sexes start to understand and accept this, they’ll be happier, period.”
Lindstrom, along with most of the male population says without a doubt women should have sex like men. He says more women need to figure out what they want from their partner sexually and learn how to ask for it. “With sex, guys know what they want, what they like and how they’re going to get it,” he says. “Women need to be more assertive, be in the moment and speak up if they want their partner to try something else.” Lindstrom thinks many women aren’t vocal because they are afraid they’ll be judged for coming off too sexually aggressive. However, we’ve all heard the term, “We want a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.” You get the point.
So ladies, with emotions, self respect, un-attainable expectations and biology serving as hurdles on our quest to find love, lust or just great sex, you may be left scratching your head or pulling your hair out while determining how you’re going to be the sex goddess, the slightly conservative girl next door, or both. Lindstrom wants to remind women that all men, no matter their age, love the progression and chase in relationships. He thinks women need to set some sort of standard, like no sex for the first 90 days of courtship. This way, the man will have something to work towards, kind of like a goal and the woman won’t be left with post orgasm regret.
For some women, sex with out emotion or attachment is no problem. For others it’s darn near impossible. Which ever side of the bed tickles your fancy, own it, embrace it and enjoy every second of it.
Copyright 2011 Scripps Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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