Are YOU a 'Tiger Mom'? Or do you know one?

Female Sumatran tiger 'Soyono' is joined by one of her three new cubs during the cubs' public debut at the Smithsonian National Zoological Park September 2, 2006 in Washington, D.C.

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Posted: 01/22/2011

By: By: BEN BOYCHUK and JOEL MATHIS, RedBlueAmerica.com and ABC15.com staff

Amy Chua's new book, " Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother ," has provoked a strong reaction from parents around the country.

In the book, the Yale professor describes her parenting style, an apparent combination of humiliation and intense regimen -- her children aren't allowed to have sleepovers or play dates, but they are required to practice piano and violin for long grueling hours.

And if the birthday cards they make her are a bit amateurish? Chua makes her children try again.

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it," she writes.

Critics have called Chua an unfair taskmaster, while defenders suggest most American children are coddled.

But what is a 'Tiger Mom'? You might be one if...

Your children have a strict regimen of studying and rote practice after school
You insist your child be at the top of every class but drama and P.E.
Your children don't "waste" their time watching TV or playing video games, or participating in school plays
Sleepovers and play dates are also considered a waste of time
The piano or violin are a big part of your child's "free" time
Your child "studies" to get into kindergarten
Second and third languages are learned
You had your child make a new birthday card when the one she gave you wasn't "good enough"
Your child isn't allowed to complain about ANYTHING
You're not worried about your child's psyche

Why all this controversy over parenting? Is Amy Chua's version of motherhood the right one? Ben Boychuk and Joel Mathis, the RedBlueAmerica columnists, consider the topic.

BEN BOYCHUK, Perspective:

Amy Chua's parenting style isn't for everyone. It certainly isn't for me. That's not to say I don't hold my children to high standards, or that I don't expect them to do well in school. Like millions of American parents, I spend hours and hours every week helping my son with his third-grade homework, or reading to my toddler daughter.

Chua's goal for her kids is nothing less than excellence. So is mine.

So it is for millions of American moms and dads as well. But there are many different paths to excellence, and a single route might not work for everyone.

What's true for parenting is also true for education policy. Americans have been arguing about education reform for nearly 40 years now.

President Obama is expected to make education a central theme of his state of the union address on Tuesday. New governors around the United States are taking up education reform as a way to help bridge yawning state budget deficits.

Over the past decade, since Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed the No Child Left Behind Act, the trend in education policy has been to place more and more authority in the hands of federal bureaucrats. Obama's signature education initiative, Race to the Top, was sold as a competition to encourage states to pass innovative reforms. In reality, as "winners" of the Race are now discovering, it's just another spool of red tape.

Now state and federal officials are pushing national curriculum standards. About 43 states have signed on to the Common Core State Standards Initiative, with the goal of developing one set of standards for every American kid to meet.

The problem with national standards is the same problem Amy Chua encountered with her own children. One-size-fits-all, top-down mandates don't work. That's the truth about the Tiger Mom.

Click "next" to read the second perspective

JOEL MATHIS, Another View:

Raising kids is tough. Every parent knows the pitfalls are numerous.

You can do everything right and still not have done everything right enough. That's why you almost never want to criticize another parent's style -- and certainly not in public. The wise thing to do is knock on wood and silently hope you're doing as good a job as you possibly can.

But, goodness, Amy Chua sure sounds like a jerk, doesn't she? In fairness, Chua's book appears to be somewhat more nuanced than how it has so far been presented in public. The debate created by her writing, however, has presented us with a false choice: Either you coddle your kids with Barney the Dinosaur-style unmerited affirmations of self-esteem, or you rigorously train them with the give-no-quarter attitude of a British school headmaster straight out of a Pink Floyd album.

The rest of us try to find a balance between two parenting tasks: Preparing a child to be a competent, successful adult. And providing that child with a haven, someplace they know they are automatically loved and valued. The two goals aren't mutually exclusive -- at least, not all the time. Put too much emphasis on one of those tasks, however, and there's a risk you'll fail to accomplish the second.

(What does all this have to do with education policy? Nothing, actually. Schools don't love you, don't provide you with spending money during college, and don't serve as grandparents to your children. You can't extrapolate policy choices from decisions made in lifelong relationships.)

So is Amy Chua a jerk? I don't know. Neither do you. Like the rest of us, she and her children probably face a lifetime of trying to get the balance right. Like the rest of us, sometimes they won't.

Where do you stand in the parenting debate? Let us know by leaving a comment below.